Even the bartender felt bad for me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
