He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
