I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
