meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
