What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
