I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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