I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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