Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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