I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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