I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
