Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
