a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
