My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
