if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
