They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
