maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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