I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
