Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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