the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize