you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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