i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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