I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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