Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
