Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
