was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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