His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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