How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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