I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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