Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
