I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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