Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
