I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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