it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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