I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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