I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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