when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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