But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"