apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw