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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.

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• (619): View more from California

  I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.

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• 

  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  That's literally the perfect eulogy

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.

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