so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night