we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
