her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
