Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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