Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
