Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
