Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
