I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's never too late to be topless.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
