I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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