I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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