Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
