I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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