Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How does one acquire holy water?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize