; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I came so hard my ears popped.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
