I love black thongs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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