alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
