He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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