I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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