As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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