I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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