hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
