we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
