Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
