I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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