Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
