I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
