i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
