I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
