best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
