My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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