So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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