Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
