I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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